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Old 07-10-2008, 10:48 PM   #1
Crawfy-Glasgow
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Default Is anyone Adopted on the JKF?

Hi everyone,this might be a sensitive subject for some people,but i would love to hear from anyone on the forum who was adopted as a baby or a young child.
Have you ever tried to trace your birth parents?
Have you had a good experience after finding your birth parents?
Have you had a bad experience after findind your birth parents?

I was adopted when i was around 8 months old and i have had a fantastic up-bringing by my mum & dad.I grew up with my brother Kenny who is just over a year older than me and he is also adopted but he is not my blood brother,but after spending about 43 years together,he will always be my brother !
I was always curious growing up wondering what my birth mum or dad looked like,and did i possibly have any blood brothers or sisters somewhere.
After doing some research and with the wonder of the internet i managed to get in contact with a blood brother David who is nearly 7 years older than me,and also a blood sister who is 18 months younger than me,wow,i have a little sister !!!
I have met them both,and even though i get on well with David and he is a cracking guy,i only talk to him on the phone every 3-4 months as he stays around 4 hours drive away from me in England.
With my little sister Heather its different,we hit it off straight away and i cant imagine life without her now,we are so close its amazing,i feel that i have known her all of my life,but its only been 2 years now. I just turned 44 and she is 42,i wish i had tried to find her years ago.
Seemingly,she was aware of me and had been searching for me for around 14 years with not any success at all.
Unfortunately she lives at the other end of the country from me,which is not too bad as we live in the UK,so where i live in Glasgow Scotland,Heather is in Portsmouth which is on the coast of South England around 450 miles away. I suppose if we were in the USA and lived at opposite sides of the country it would be more of a problem.
Anyway,i dont want to rattle on and bore everyone,but Heather and i speak on the phone every week plus we text each other all the time and we now try to visit each other arond 3 times a year for a week at a time.
I have also been in touch (by email only) with my birth mother who kindly answered some important questions i had wanted to ask her regarding the circumstances surrounding my adoption.
I am still not too sure if i want to meet her,but she seems nice and actually only lives around 2 hours away from me,strange.
So,basically i have had a very positive experience with my search for blood family,and i hope i am not alone,i would love to hear from any other JKF members who have had adoption experiences,good or bad,if you are willing to share them.
Thanks for reading this rather long thread,sorry.

Cheers Crawfy X.
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Old 07-11-2008, 06:21 AM   #2
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What a fabulous story Crawfy!!! Thanks so much for sharing it with us!!! How wonderful to find your biological family. How inspiring this is!

While I was not adopted personally, I do have a story that might be of interest to you concerning my husband's brother, Rich.

When my husband Jason turned 18, one day his mother tells him he has an older brother!! This secret was kept from Jason and his younger brother Travis until this point. His mother got pregnant when she was 17 and gave the baby boy up for adoption. His new family named the baby boy Richard (goes by Rich). He was adopted by a farmer and his wife who lived only an hour away from where he was born and all of his blood relatives lived. He had never tried to find his biological family until it was time for him to leave home for the first time.

When Rich turned 18 and was making the decision on where to go to college, he said he felt a strong connection for some reason with a school in the same town where his biological family happened to live! At the time he did not know they were there! Once he began college there he started his search. Imagine his surprise to learn that his biological family has always lived RIGHT DOWN THE STREET!!!! ;-)

So Rich found out he has 2 younger brothers, Jason and Travis. They get along so great!!! Now we're all at the age where we're settling down, getting married, and having kids.....and now our kids have relationships with these cousins that they may have otherwise never known about! I think it's such a beautiful thing. They way I see it, it's like having a BONUS FAMILY!!! ;-)

God Bless,
christie
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Old 07-11-2008, 12:07 PM   #3
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Thanks Christie for the reply,thats a brilliant story,i bet there must be hundreds of these kinds of stories of emotional reunions out there.
When i have told friends etc about this story they always seem genuinely intriuged,i think its an interesting topic for people because most people grow up with their biological parents and blood sisters & brothers and its just normal really to have a bond,and a close relationship with your blood family,so when they try to think of searching for blood family who they have never even seen,and then actually meeting them and in a lot of cases that same bond seems to exist even though the person is a total stranger,its amazing.
I have told the story to people who find it fascinating and then they say to me,'my god,i wish i had another family out there somewhere i could find',maybe because unfortunately not all blood families get on with each other,and the though of having another family they might have a closer relationship with gives them a feeling of hope,then they realise they are not adopted so they must accept the family they have.
In my case i was in no wat trying to replace my adopted family,i have been brought up in a stable loving envioroment and i have no chip on my shoulder about being adopted,i was only curious which i reckon a high percentage of adoptees are to search for blood family.
I have not even told my mum and dad that i have contacted my blood family,even though many years ago they said they would support my brother or me if we ever did want to find family,but my dad is now 80 and my mum is 76 and i would never ever want to risk hurting them so best left a little secret for now i think.
I have told my brother Kenny though,he was fine about it but he has no desire to search for any of his blood family.
I hope other people feel they can share their similar stories of adoption or being reunited with long lost relatives.
Thanks again for reading my story,i hope my positive experience may even encourage any adoptees out there to consider searching for blood family,it could open up a whole new wonderful life for you !!!

Chers Crawfy x.
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Old 07-11-2008, 11:24 PM   #4
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It might be worthwhile if I move this to the Abyss but I won't do it unless you're ok with that.
Although it could be regarded as a sensitive topic, there is very limited access in this section of the JKF. Only 42 member have access to the Absence of Fear section so far so if you're looking to widen your scope, then I could move it where everyone can see it.


Crawfy - I think that's a great story. I love hearing about these types of happy journey's. I am not adopted myself but my best friend (who now lives in the US) and her brother are both adopted (though not related themselves). She tried to find her birth mother about 7 years ago when she became a parent herself. She did manage to find her birth mother and spoke to her quite a bit on the phone. She had my friend when she was just 16. A 16 year old mother in 1979 was quite frowned upon. She was sent to a convent where she gave birth and the baby (my friend) was taken away from her. Now that I am a parent, I really feel for all of those poor girls who were forced to give up their babies. It must have been heartbreaking. I just couldn't bear it.

Anyway, my friend's birth mother had gone on and married and had 3 more kids. 2 boys and a girl. She had always wanted a sister and now there was one out there and 2 more brothers too. Unfortunately for her, her birth mother had never told her family about ever having another baby and didn't want to tell her family yet. They both stayed in sporadic contact for about 2 years but eventually, her birth mother drifted. It's unfortunate that it ended that way but at least it was amicable. My friend understood and was thankful for the time she had regardless.

Perhaps the memories of that horrible separation were too unbearable for her birth mother. Perhaps she was in a situation that meant she couldn't bring my friend back into her life but I suppose it's just one of those things

THe door is open on both sides to get in contact again so who knows...maybe one day. Fingers crossed
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Old 07-12-2008, 12:10 AM   #5
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Hi Kiera,thanks for sharing your story,it seems like a common situation but understandably some people dont like to talk about it,shame as sometimes it can help to deal with things better.
I actually thought of posting this thread in The Abyss but could'nt decide what would be best. Please feel free to move it as you say it will reach more people that way so hopefully we can encourage more interesting stories on this subject.
Thanks again for your comments and for your adoption story.
Take care Kiera.

Cheers Crawfy x.
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Old 07-12-2008, 02:11 PM   #6
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Hi!

I am adopted from South Korea. I was adopted at 4 months by my parents, who lived in Wisconsin. I've always grown up knowing that these are my "real" parents, the ones who loved me, fed me, dressed me. Kids in school would be like, "but don't you want to meet your real parents?" I would say that I already have, and I love them like no other.

My sister is adopted as well, but she is white, so we've had completely different experiences. We've both gone through times of wonderment about our biological parents, but in the end, I think we both know that the only ones that matter are the ones that raised us.

I am planning on visiting Korea next summer, but I have no strong intention of meeting my birth parents. The only reason I would want to see them is to see what I might look like at an older age and if they have any debilitating disease. I still don't know the exact reason why I was put in an orphanage, but I figure it was for the better. I live a happy life here in the States and couldn't ask for more.

I think being an adopted minority is a unique experience. People stare, people know what the deal is, but I've learned to ignore most of it. Here in Chicago, I hardly notice my minority status. It is only when I go to Wisconsin that it is noticeable and we get some stares. People oftentimes figure that I'm not in line with my family, so they'll ask if I need help. Little things like that.

Woohoo for being adopted!
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Old 07-12-2008, 10:14 PM   #7
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Those are really nice stories you guys. I can see it from both sides how a parent may not want contact with the child as it maybe too painful or too long a time for them to reconcile their feelings. On the other hand if I child knows they're adopted then they maybe searching for answers about their past and feel they may get them from finding their natural family. Crawfy and Simmadana it sounds like you have both made mature decisions with regards to your natural families and I am glad for both of you.

My youngest sister is fostered. She is almost 17 and has been with us since she was 1 year old. She always knew she was fostered and has regular contact with her mother though her mother is not reliable. She has four half-brothers one who was with my family for a while but has behavioural problems and my mom was unable to care for him any longer, another who is with his paternal grandmother, one who was adopted and another that she kept. She recently met the brother who was adopted and he is unfortunately not a solid person. He is just 18 and has been is trouble with the law several times already.

Also my sister never knew her father and after many years of insistence her mother contacted him and he met her. They visited one another a few times and she even met his family until he abruptly broke off contact. As she has had a very painful upbringing (my own parents are also divorced, which is another family she has lost in a way) this was very damaging for her. She had built her natural father to be some sort of saviour for her and he of course was unable to fulfil that. Ideally she should have waited until she was mature enough to see his side of it but of course she is very insistent and stubborn and was floored by the emotional consequences of his decision.

Now that I read back on that I hope that none of you think that I'm trying to rain on anybodys parade! This my own (slightly different to the topic) experience. I of course am delighted that you have had mostly positive adoption experiences. I have known two people over the years that have met their natural mothers. One did not want to know but the other has a great relationship with both her mothers which is wonderful. I think the most important thing is to love the one's that have loved you (like simmadana) and if you can find a little bit more than that then cherish it. Anyway you are both very brave to share your experiences here.
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Old 07-13-2008, 12:57 AM   #8
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Thanks for your replys,i totally agree with Simmadana,i love my mum & dad also,they are the wonderful parents who have brought me and my brother up for all of those years and loved us as if we were their own flesh and blood,i owe them everything.
Even though i have now contacted my biological mother i would never feel comfortable refering to her as my mum,i always refer to her as Joan,i feel i would be betraying my mum if i called her mum as well,i just see it as she was the woman who gave birth to me for my mum and dad to have me.
According to my birth mother my biological father never new about me,she was 25 years old at the time,married with 3 children all under 9 years old and she fell pregnant to another man,and bare in mind this was in 1964,so it was frowned upon,so she said she was encouraged to give me up for adoption by her mother,then her husband demanded a divorce and she was sent to the south of England around 450 miles away to live with an Aunt & Uncle.
She then met a man and fell pregnant again,she then married this man and had my younger sister Heather. She continued to live in England and bring up Heather,her husband died around 7 years ago and she moved back to Scotland soon after to look after her elderly mother who is now 88 years old.
As i say,she answered my questions surrounding my adoption,and i am fine with it,i dont blame anyone,i have brilliant parents,a great brother and now i have Heather and David also.

Thanks for your stories,views and opinions so far,i'm really interested in hearing everyone's experiences.

Cheers Crawfy X.
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Old 08-06-2008, 11:20 PM   #9
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Hi I'm Kristin Alexis Marie ... Kris lol
I'm from south Brazil adopted from a American man and a Brazillian woman, married ,when I was 2 yr we lived in Brazil til my 10 years, when they marriage ended, so my daddy "not real" moved to germany, and I, my youngest "sister" and mom stayed in brazil for like 3 years more, so we moved to Argentina, Italy and now for US!
Like 2 months I had a chance to know my "real" mom and my "real" brothers and sisters...
my "real" mom where a oldest daughter of my other mom's best friend, when she got prego of twins she was 15 and they gave me to the mom that I live with!
I have to confess, That I love my brothers and sisters, and its amazing to have someone exatly like me, but even having fights with my "not real mom!" and living so far way from my sister, whos in germany with "our" daddy, I still feel like they are my real family and I don't feel love for my birth mom, even If I try, she looks like a stranger to me trough

Natalie, My youngest "sister" is the love of my life, she knows i'm not her real sister but she always tell me how she loves me and how I'm the best sister
Breanna, my "mom" is hard to live with since the day her marriage ended, but I know she loves me, even trough the fights!
Lucas, My "daddy" is a wonderfull daddy even trough the distance and I miss him so much

so I guess I'm a lucky girl, and I thank god everynight for putting them on my Carnival Ride!
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Old 08-22-2008, 09:43 AM   #10
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Although I'm not adopted I enjoy reading all your stories. Mine is very different story but somehow similar in one way or the other.

My father left us when i was still in my mother's womb. I'm the youngest. I have 2 great sisters, Sheila (33) and Pia (31). I basically grew up without a father. My mother was 27 years old when my father left all of us. She never get another man since. But my father had 3 different families. I met him when i was 15. That's when I found out I have 2 brothers and 3 sisters. All in all, he has 8 children from 3 different women:
1st wife- (My mother)- 3 children. (Sheila, Pia and Me)
2nd (Lorie) - 3 children (Dax 28, Ivy 27, Lollie 25)
3rd (Josie) - 2 children (Jona 24 and Jonar 23)
I also met all my brothers and sisters before, but it's more than 10 years since we lost communication. My father never supported us financially. It was my mother who did everything so that my 2 sisters and I could have good education.
10 years ago, my brother Dax, sisters Ivy and Lollie were left by thier mother Lorie, just after my father had left them. I talked to my mother about it, but she honestly said to me that it would bring back all the pain, if we adopt my half-siblings,instead she just asked me to help them in other ways. I respect my mother forever.

I know, you may think how irresponsible my father is, indeed he is. Because, after having Josie, and 2 more children, he still went on with another woman. I tried to have very good relationship with all my siblings, but not with my father, how I hated him when I was growing up, I would even tell all my friends that he's dead. But most recently, I decided to see my father, because he's now living alone. No one wants to help him but Jonar. Jonar is my youngest brother. I talked to him about giving my fair share.

Yesterday, my father texted me and was very happy because he got the small amount I sent to him. I felt something I couldn't explain. Now, I'm beggining to tell my friends that my father is born again...
My mother does'nt know I'm now helping my father after what he's done to us. And I have no plans on telling her about it. But of course my mother still gets the bigger share from me.

I'm now searching for my brother Dax and 2 more sisters. But i'm really having hard time to locate their whereabouts, but I'm not losing hope.

Next month, my father, Jonar and me will spend a week together. (I'll continue the story after that event.)

Ooooh... Indeed this is also one of the best threads we have here in the forum. Thanks for your stories. Thanks for allowing me to share mine too.
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Old 08-22-2008, 08:20 PM   #11
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Wow Roy, that is so brave of you and such an inspiring story. I have a bad relationship with my father and could never imagine being as forgiving as you. Maybe I will tell you all someday but it is very painful so if I do it will be in the Absence of Fear thread. You are a very noble person to be able to show such compassion to your father.

It is great you can spend time with your half-siblings and I wish you the very best with them.
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Old 09-15-2008, 08:37 PM   #12
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Hi Roy,
thanks for sharing your very personal story,i am pleased that you have decided to help your brother with your father,it must be difficult to forgive the things he has done,but he is still your dad in the end.
I really hope it works out well for all of you,just take things slowly and it will all fall into place i am sure.
Good luck to you my friend.
I am glad you think this thread is so good,i was not too sure if i should share my story at first when i started the thread as i thought people would not be that interested in my story,but its amazing how many people have had similar experiences in their lives and its lovely to be able to share these stories with people on the Forum and to read the other stories people have posted so thanks to everyone who has taken the time to write their very personal stories,i am delighted with the response.
I am still in regular contact with my Little Sister and i hope i always will be.

Also,Louloublu,i hope that you are able to share your story with us on the Forum someday,i realise that you are still dealing with it in your life and you may not be ready to write about it as yet,but we are all here to support you if and when you decide to tell us your story regarding the relationship with your father.
Take care everyone and thanks again.

Cheers Crawfy x.
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Old 09-17-2008, 05:47 PM   #13
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Thanks for the kind words! It is nice to know you are a group of such nice supportive people here. Will probably write about it someday on Absence of Fear. I'll need to set myself some time. I find writing stuff down alway helps me. I'm one of those people that WAAAAAAAAY overthinks things.
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